case study number five: into the cosmos
my dad flatlined two times and told me he saw nothing on the other side.
a mexican woman shaves my head like a monk down to the scalp, she calls me white boy, I laugh, and peel out.
I went to Japan when I saw a photo of a temple buried on a mountain, walked through the countryside alone and meditated when I found one.
the most beautiful art I have ever seen was from my family when they drew on postcards to each other. I think that’s profound.
for a year, I was up with the birds and heard an angel sigh.
you can cop style but can’t replicate what’s in my bloodline.
i’ve been sleepwalking when I go silent. Hit second level and feel like DeNiro in the opium den.
when I got to San Francisco, my uncle gave me kodachromes from Cairo.
in the Mojave, my ego died when I stared into the cosmos.
I am an escapist until every few years a person shows my demons to my face.
some people search for something, but i’ve been running away.
for years I turned to self-medicate.
when I go home, I sit with my friend at his grave.
because of him I look through the eyes of a child.
I saw the world spinning in circles and hid behind a smile.
Nina said I wish you could know what it means to be me.
I bury myself in work when I feel lonely and use it as my release.
to the point where it became too much of my identity.
when I was 19, I thought my passion would make me feel free.
sometimes, I wonder if it made me an incomplete human being.
these days the art that inspires me deals with mortality.
I stopped chasing the rabbit to find my peace.
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Words, Clothing Design, and Artwork: Jake Golden
Photography: Andrew Hogan
Dedicated to my father.