case study number five: into the cosmos

my dad flatlined two times and told me he saw nothing on the other side.

a mexican woman shaves my head like a monk down to the scalp, she calls me white boy, I laugh, and peel out.

I went to Japan when I saw a photo of a temple buried on a mountain, walked through the countryside alone and meditated when I found one.

the most beautiful art I have ever seen was from my family when they drew on postcards to each other. I think that’s profound.

for a year, I was up with the birds and heard an angel sigh.

you can cop style but can’t replicate what’s in my bloodline.

i’ve been sleepwalking when I go silent. Hit second level and feel like DeNiro in the opium den.

when I got to San Francisco, my uncle gave me kodachromes from Cairo.

in the Mojave, my ego died when I stared into the cosmos.

I am an escapist until every few years a person shows my demons to my face.

some people search for something, but i’ve been running away.

for years I turned to self-medicate.

when I go home, I sit with my friend at his grave.

because of him I look through the eyes of a child.

I saw the world spinning in circles and hid behind a smile.

Nina said I wish you could know what it means to be me.

I bury myself in work when I feel lonely and use it as my release.

to the point where it became too much of my identity.

when I was 19, I thought my passion would make me feel free.

sometimes, I wonder if it made me an incomplete human being.

these days the art that inspires me deals with mortality.

I stopped chasing the rabbit to find my peace.

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Words, Clothing Design, and Artwork: Jake Golden

Photography: Andrew Hogan

Dedicated to my father.